Children and Violence

Children lack the right guidance

Going outside is always the best time in a child’s day: friends, dirt and freedom. But there are downsides to this playtime for children: mean kids.

I don’t know how many times I’ve witnessed children being mean to others, my son included. I don’t remember kids being as mean when I was younger, however that was 20 years ago.

When I send my son outside to play I monitor his interactions with others, and it is difficult to keep tabs on him the entire time. I want to allow him freedom to play and have fun. What am I supposed to do?

Children need to learn boundaries, respect and sharing.

Recently I have noticed that my son has been struggling with social issues and I have heard from preschool teachers that children need guidance from people who know how to do this. Children need preschool.

As a parent I can only teach my son the basics.

Just yesterday a male child slapped a female child. It was over an incident that could’ve been resolved with the right guidance. I am sure he had much guidance, nor has the girl. This incident really put this whole issue into perspective for me.

If this is how children are acting today, the future isn’t looking very bright. Violence is looking more and more like it will be prominent in everyday ventures.

For the sake of my son, I really hope that he learns before it is too late that this kind of physical violence against anyone is not acceptable. He cannot get away with it and that if he acts upon violence that there are consequences.

I will do whatever I can to help him be the best man he can be.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

I Choose Me

Sexuality isn’t a choice, it is you

In today’s society people still believe that same-sex couples made a choice. We’ve all decided that we wanted to be picked out from the crowds, displayed for all to see and judged for being ourselves. That sounds exactly like what we chose at birth.

I can see how it looks like choice. As a child we are taught to like the opposite sex. It is almost forced upon us. If we even sway the other way we’re immediately “corrected” or “fixed” before it’s too late.

Once we’re in the teenage years we become more curious about sexuality and more familiar with our body. We start to explore the world of love whether that be with a boy or a girl. Sometimes it’s for the right reason and sometimes it’s to impress someone, however for the most part it is to explore sexuality and sex awareness.

By the time we reach high school, we’ve gotten to a point where we know more about ourselves. We’ve come to the semi-conclusion of boy or girl. Sometimes people still struggle with this decision beyond this time, and that is fine too.

During the college years, these years get even worse for some. This is the time of even more experimenting with sexuality. Who really knows what anyone wants at this point? Go to a college party one night feeling “straight” kiss the same-sex and hmm it has you thinking well I like it, what now?

These feelings exist for a reason. People aren’t meant to just decide because someone told them to under pressure.

We aren’t making choices, we’re learning about ourselves and what we want. We’re learning so much still about life. Our sexuality has ultimately already been predetermined anywhere from prior to birth to whenever it is determined really. Who’s to say when really, it just happens. It will just click when it clicks.

Everyone is different and life happens. Nobody can decide for anyone when they know. If someone tells you that you made the choice to be gay, bisexual or lesbian say no I didn’t I am myself.

You can be love regardless of your sexuality. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Gender Stereotyping

Playtime gender quarrel turned around

It has come to my attention that my son isn’t being treated fairly by his “friends.” Apparently certain activities and games aren’t boy friendly.

“You can’t do that, only girls can,” said anonymous girl.

When I heard that I couldn’t contain myself. Something inside me flipped and I just told her that don’t tell him that. He can do anything you do regardless of being a boy. After confronting her she just stared at me and went on to a different activity.

I couldn’t believe that a child so young and free to be happy could think that another child because he is a boy can’t do something because he is a boy. How did she get such a naive thought into her head?

I started to think about the parents raising the child and what they might be telling her. It is apparent to me that something has been said to her to make her believe that girls do this and boys do that. There is no middle ground between the two. This whole idea isn’t right and this little girl is going to grow up thinking that she can’t do anything because she is some helpless woman, and she’ll need to rely on a man.

I don’t want my son to grow up thinking that he can’t do something because he is a boy. He can do whatever he wants whether it is “suppose to be” for girls or not. As long as he is happy, that is all that matters.

If he becomes interested in sports he can go into sports. If he becomes interested in music then music it is. If he becomes a cheerleader, dance team member or color guard member so be it. It is his life, his choice and his interests. Why would be want to be the ones judging him and being the bullies?

No matter what he chooses in life they’re ultimately his decision and we will support him along the way. We will love him regardless. You go boy!

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Parenthood Opportunities

Stereotypical can be removed by individuals

It use to be that it took one man and one woman to make a baby. With today’s technology that isn’t the case. Same-sex couples are now able to have children together with the help of surrogacy and sperm donors.

When hearing people say this stereotypical phrase, “one man and one woman” it really bothers me, especially since I am married to a woman and have a child with her.

A recent conversation that I had was with someone who seemed sided with “one man and one woman.” Now that is fine with me, I am not judging anyone. However, when it feels like you’re scrutinizing my sexual orientation and specifically putting yours out there in front of me like it is the right one only I cannot help but feel offended.

After this awkward conversation, I left feeling irritated and irate. Honestly I didn’t know what just happened and didn’t know how to react appropriately. I left without saying anything to the individual who offended me, because I feared the ridicule from this person.

Regardless of the person’s belief of “one man and one woman” I know the truth. I know that there is more to this world than the stereotypical. I can have my family my way and be happy too. I don’t have to hide in the closet like many men and women had to in the past before me. I didn’t have to pretend to be something I am not.

Hopefully the future generations will have a better understanding and erase this stereotypical phrase “one man and one woman” and embrace themselves. Everyone can have the wife or husband, house, kids, job, and car. It doesn’t need to be a world full of stereotypical individuals, just people wanting to be individuals.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Biological Questions

No biology test can prove my motherhood

The questions we get asked are endless and random, however one that seems to be the main focus is whose the biological mother. I understand that people are curious and want to know, but it shouldn’t really matter.

It can turn a friendly conversation into a not so friendly conversation fast. Being asked this question usually results in an uncomfortable explanation from either myself or my wife. Then it can either end there or be followed by another question, who’s the father?

People only seek to understand, but I wish they would only respect boundaries as well. Our business isn’t any of their business unless we willingly offer it up ourselves. Yes we have made friends with you, but that doesn’t welcome your questions.

The questions aren’t from just friends either. Sometimes its from random people who barely meet us. They just want to know who's the biological mother. As if it's any of your business. Being the person I am I don’t want to be rude and just ignore the question, so I answer.

Each time this biological justification question comes up it hurts. I just want everyone to see our on as our son. He is more my son than the biology he was made with. I have been here through everything for him and I am the other parent he knows. He knows me as his mother, mom and momma. No biology will take that from me.

I wonder if I refuse to answer the question if people will get the idea and leave me alone about it. Maybe I will try it and see what happens.

I love you baby bear.

Blog by Melissa Chandler