Kids Can be Nasty

Parents who can’t see beyond their rose colored glasses

I’m fed up with kids, more specifically little girls being mean to my son. It’s extremely frustrating to see my son cry when someone is mean to him. Then what’s even worse is when you confront the child’s parent and they say, “oh I saw them and they didn’t do that.”

I call bull on that. You weren’t anywhere in sight. You were over by the cars when your children were making nasty faces at my son. Yes this is a specific situation that I’m discussing, but I’ve had enough of it. These girls are rotten.

They’re always mean to my son. They get away with it too. And then to make things worse all they have to do is say, “I’m sorry.” That to me isn’t enough or teaching them anything.

My son has been nice to them and never taken things away from them. He invites them to play. He doesn’t ignore them. Oh and he always wants to do things with them; even after all the mean things they do to him.

I tell him that he doesn’t need to play with them if they’re mean, but he wants to. I feel like it’s my responsibility to help guide him with any kind of relationship whether it be friendship or relationship, and this isn’t healthy for him. These girls are teaching bad things, and a bad behavior.

These last two years have been full of tears and an emotional rollercoaster. The good thing for him is when he’s away from them, which is difficult when he wants to play outside too. He shouldn’t have to stay in because it’s his yard too.

I can’t take this anymore. Something has be done. My son will no longer be called a liar, and mistreated by your girls. You need to look at your “parenting” and teach those girls that they can’t treat others that way; because they have a rude awakening coming real soon.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Precious Gift

A child for only so long

Being a mother isn’t easy. The daily obstacles and struggles that I have to surpass are overwhelming to say the least. It is just astonishing to me to think that there are single parents, mothers and fathers out there doing this parenting thing on their own. At least I have a wife to help raise our son together.

On a daily basis our son needs to be fed, entertained, bathed, and loved. These four daily routine tasks are filled with even more obstacles that have to be completed just to complete the initial task at hand to satisfy the son’s necessary needs.

Now being that there are two of us it is more manageable, however it can still be very stressful.

Mom I am hungry. Mom play with me. Mom I want a bath. It’s like the washer cycle: wash, rinse and spin. Everyday this happens. But without us our son wouldn’t be able to survive.

The obstacles and struggles that we as parents sometimes think are a burden, really aren’t a burden. We’ve asked for this, we’ve taken this on. We wanted the child and now we are responsible for individual. No longer is this child an obstacle or a struggle.

There are a lot of parents who don’t value their children. Now I know that sounds a bit harsh, but it’s the truth. I’ve been around enough children to see it first hand. Children are more than just a check from a parent not in the picture, more than government assistance and certainly more than a punching bag physically, mentally and verbally.

Our son is a precious gift. Each day I look at him and see this little boy turning into a wonderful young man. I cannot wait to see the kind of man he will be. I’m thankful everyday for him and for him allowing to be part of his life.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Preschool Clued In

From previous doubts turned inside out

Our son has been in preschool since September and he has enjoyed it very much. Prior to enrolling him we had our concerns and questions, but we thought it would be best for our son.

The second week the theme was “My Family” and that was cool. He was able to bring pictures of his family to class and show everyone. It was a bit interesting for us to select pictures for him to bring and share with others.

I thought it was very nice, professional and exceptionally respectful of the school to be cool with us being a same-sex family and our son bringing pictures of his mom’s to class to share. That was a concern we had prior to enrolling him in school. It was very important to us.

Then the wife and I will either go together to pick the kiddo up from school and the other parents will see him greet the two of us. It is interesting to see the reactions of the parents. However, the children don’t pay too much attention. They just notice the mommies and daddies in the room.

In late October, our sons class had their first class field trip. Of course we’re the kind of parents who want to attend every field trip. The field trip was like any other. Nobody made a fuss about us or made a comment. It was like us being a same-sex couple and being a parent was no big deal. That was so refreshing.

Even the teachers at the school are great. They are always so friendly and welcoming. They refer to both of us as his mom’s or mommy. It makes me feel amazing. It really shows that not all people are so stuck back then. After all it is 2015, times have changed.

We are proud to be mother’s to a wonderful little boy.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Beautiful Boy

Body shaming can be no more

The other day the wife, son and I decided to carve up some pumpkins for the holiday. To prepare for the mess we laid out paper on the floor, got the tools and put on some messy clothes.

My son freaked out when my wife told him that he didn’t need to wear a shirt. This isn’t the first time he has had an issue being shirtless either. But this incident was more traumatic for him.

He insisted on having a shirt to wear. I tried not to think much about it, however I couldn’t help it.

Over the summer the neighborhood girls would make comments regarding his body and being naked. I would encourage the children not to say these hurtful comments to my son. Body shaming comments aren’t okay to say to anyone.

Somehow these words have stayed in my sons head and it really bothers me a lot. I don’t want my son body shaming himself. I want him to be comfortable in his skin and feel beautiful regardless of what other people say.

I do my best to tell my son that he is beautiful. I don’t know what else I can do.

As a parent it hurts me to hear my child these things. I hope with my encouraging words, positive reinforcement, and love he overcome this negative view of himself.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Children and Violence

Children lack the right guidance

Going outside is always the best time in a child’s day: friends, dirt and freedom. But there are downsides to this playtime for children: mean kids.

I don’t know how many times I’ve witnessed children being mean to others, my son included. I don’t remember kids being as mean when I was younger, however that was 20 years ago.

When I send my son outside to play I monitor his interactions with others, and it is difficult to keep tabs on him the entire time. I want to allow him freedom to play and have fun. What am I supposed to do?

Children need to learn boundaries, respect and sharing.

Recently I have noticed that my son has been struggling with social issues and I have heard from preschool teachers that children need guidance from people who know how to do this. Children need preschool.

As a parent I can only teach my son the basics.

Just yesterday a male child slapped a female child. It was over an incident that could’ve been resolved with the right guidance. I am sure he had much guidance, nor has the girl. This incident really put this whole issue into perspective for me.

If this is how children are acting today, the future isn’t looking very bright. Violence is looking more and more like it will be prominent in everyday ventures.

For the sake of my son, I really hope that he learns before it is too late that this kind of physical violence against anyone is not acceptable. He cannot get away with it and that if he acts upon violence that there are consequences.

I will do whatever I can to help him be the best man he can be.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

I Choose Me

Sexuality isn’t a choice, it is you

In today’s society people still believe that same-sex couples made a choice. We’ve all decided that we wanted to be picked out from the crowds, displayed for all to see and judged for being ourselves. That sounds exactly like what we chose at birth.

I can see how it looks like choice. As a child we are taught to like the opposite sex. It is almost forced upon us. If we even sway the other way we’re immediately “corrected” or “fixed” before it’s too late.

Once we’re in the teenage years we become more curious about sexuality and more familiar with our body. We start to explore the world of love whether that be with a boy or a girl. Sometimes it’s for the right reason and sometimes it’s to impress someone, however for the most part it is to explore sexuality and sex awareness.

By the time we reach high school, we’ve gotten to a point where we know more about ourselves. We’ve come to the semi-conclusion of boy or girl. Sometimes people still struggle with this decision beyond this time, and that is fine too.

During the college years, these years get even worse for some. This is the time of even more experimenting with sexuality. Who really knows what anyone wants at this point? Go to a college party one night feeling “straight” kiss the same-sex and hmm it has you thinking well I like it, what now?

These feelings exist for a reason. People aren’t meant to just decide because someone told them to under pressure.

We aren’t making choices, we’re learning about ourselves and what we want. We’re learning so much still about life. Our sexuality has ultimately already been predetermined anywhere from prior to birth to whenever it is determined really. Who’s to say when really, it just happens. It will just click when it clicks.

Everyone is different and life happens. Nobody can decide for anyone when they know. If someone tells you that you made the choice to be gay, bisexual or lesbian say no I didn’t I am myself.

You can be love regardless of your sexuality. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Blog by Melissa Chandler

Gender Stereotyping

Playtime gender quarrel turned around

It has come to my attention that my son isn’t being treated fairly by his “friends.” Apparently certain activities and games aren’t boy friendly.

“You can’t do that, only girls can,” said anonymous girl.

When I heard that I couldn’t contain myself. Something inside me flipped and I just told her that don’t tell him that. He can do anything you do regardless of being a boy. After confronting her she just stared at me and went on to a different activity.

I couldn’t believe that a child so young and free to be happy could think that another child because he is a boy can’t do something because he is a boy. How did she get such a naive thought into her head?

I started to think about the parents raising the child and what they might be telling her. It is apparent to me that something has been said to her to make her believe that girls do this and boys do that. There is no middle ground between the two. This whole idea isn’t right and this little girl is going to grow up thinking that she can’t do anything because she is some helpless woman, and she’ll need to rely on a man.

I don’t want my son to grow up thinking that he can’t do something because he is a boy. He can do whatever he wants whether it is “suppose to be” for girls or not. As long as he is happy, that is all that matters.

If he becomes interested in sports he can go into sports. If he becomes interested in music then music it is. If he becomes a cheerleader, dance team member or color guard member so be it. It is his life, his choice and his interests. Why would be want to be the ones judging him and being the bullies?

No matter what he chooses in life they’re ultimately his decision and we will support him along the way. We will love him regardless. You go boy!

Blog by Melissa Chandler